IT IS ONLY A DRAFT OF A SCRIPT FOR A GOFFAL MIXED RACED MULATO BUSHI SITCOM
A vieome comedy
Setting: inside space ship, the space ship which is a (anglier)Large car floating in space.
Whos the pilot
In the year of 1999 two goffals were kidnaped by aliens.
Unknown to them they are now inside a hologram. This is their story.
So tell me what species are you?
What you mean china, species, what does species mean?
Jimmy(aka stieny): We are human noid.
Goza: I am not a human noid china, I am a goffal
Alien: Goffal? What on neptune is a goffal
Goza: Listen to this mensir he does not know what a goffal is.
A goffal is an ouen, a coloured person. A person like me.
Cut to both the guys waking in the morning. In their house.
Goza: Man I am tuning you I had a strange dream last night
Jimmy: Me too. I dreamt I was
Goza: Anker china, I was tuning you about my dream. Dont
intrupt the next ouen when he is telling you his dream.
Jimmy: Soz china.
Goza: Anyway, i dreamt we had been kidnapped by aliens.
Jimmy: What? I dreamt we were kidnapped by aliens too.
Goza: Hey clever dont be stupid, how can we have the same
Jimmy: Its a sign man, this is Gods way of saying that everything
is going to be alright.
Goza: Oh dont start with that God thing again. God is not here
paying the rent.
Jimmy: Oh my friend my dear friend, you are blind. Dont talk
like that, GOD is everywhere, one day he will find you.
Goza: Listen to yourself, well tell me this, why when whats his
name was booting you up, you did not call out to God.
I distintly heard you callling out mummy mummy.
They sit in reflection for a moment.
Radio in the background booting a track Bob Marley
Jimmy: You smuck a cup of tea,
Goza: Yah, nice one. hit us some toast while you at it.
So whats the plan for today.
Then the phone rings.
Alien: hey Goza, whats up my china, I have learnt your language.
Goza: Lakker, whats up
Alien: So last night you were tuning me about goffals?
Goza: Hold up, who is this?
Alien: I am the alien.
Goza: What? Who is this, John is that you?
Alien: Who the devil is John?
Goza: What you want? How can I help you.
Alien: Dont you remember anything that happened last night?
Goza: What are you saying I was not dreaming.
Listen dont try and Jam with my brain, John stop messing
I am going to hang up this phone.
He hangs up
Goza: Bloody John on the phone, pullling one of his stupid
Jimmy: I was just scheeming, lets go to oh Dozers cabin,
I heard he has some liquid.
Goza: how much
Jimmy: 200 liter(accent)
Goza: No I meant how much
Jimmy: Oh, 2 mega
Goza: What two bill, hey whats he trying to do do?
Shut us down?
Jimmy: But last time he charged us the same price?
Wht are you complaining about?
We hear his computer saying: You have one new message.
Goza; Hey china when did your computer learn to rap?
Jimmy: Its a program for the visually impaired, came with
the new software.
Goza: Oh hey we go, I know now you are going to tell me,
that your computer has a trillion giga drive thing e ma gee?
Jimmy: No actually I was going to tell you the program is not
Goza: You know what I dont like these computers.
Jimmy: Really strange, concidering that you behave like a program,
I thought they would be your thing.
Jimmy walks over to his computer
He opens the email .
There is an attachment.
Alien: Listen Jimmy I tried to tune oh goza, that last night
the dream you guys had was not a dream. Unfortunatly,
I was teleported back to my world, and now I must let
you know, that while you think you are at your house you
two are actully on board my ship, plugged into, a hologram.
I will be back in a couple of light years. The hologram responds
to your thoughts, actions, words, I did not mean to put
you in such a position, I simple was curious about your species,
how ever I guess it is like you ouens say, nothing ever happens
for you, well this happened, so have fun.
Jimmy: this is nutty, man, I just got an email from one of my
internet friends. How does he know, about my dream?
Goza, what are you tuning mensir my dreams now.
Goza: Hey its my dream too.
Jimmy: But what if it is true? What if last night was not just a dream.
Goza: Hey dont be so blur? there are no such things as aliens.
So it could only be a dream. Whats happening with the tea.
Jimmy: Oh I forgot
Goza: Two bad you could not get one of your programs to do it.
Jimmy: What like star trek?
Goza: Oh listen to yourself, I was burning you. Are you so blur,
you dont get a simple joke?
Then a voice again from the computer
“How would you like your tea.”
Goza: What that blind program can make tea, hey Steiny just how
fast is this computer.
Jimmy: Computers cant make tea. They cant yet comunicated with
things like coffee makers. But I dont think that program is supposed
to say that. I must have a trojan or something. Someone must
be hacked onto my computer.
Jimmy sits at his computer with Goza looking over his shoulder.
Jimmy: Okay, sonny boy, I am going to teach you a lesson. Okay
hacker let me show you the difference between a hacker and cracker,
Are you ready, script kiddy, are you ready.
Goza: What a real hacker?
Jimmy clicks Start-prompt- net stats
Goza: What are you doing?
Jimmy: You see that number there, that is the hackers, location,
now all I do is open my scanner program and it will find him.
Goza? Hey I dont understand any of this computer stuff.
Jimmy: There I got him
Goza: What like can you like now shut him down.
Jimmy: No wait, that is my location number. Okay wait
I dont think there is any one on my computer.
But why is it talking about tea.
I am sure it must have some kinda trojan.
Goza: A what?
Jimmy: A trojan is a program that is placed on a targets
computer, so that the cracker, can watch what you do.
Goza: What is some one watching us? What if they find
out about the juice, Jimmy you better just fix that computer.
Jimmy: how can the person watching us know about the
juice. You know what Goza you give the term brain a
whole new meaning.
Goza burst out laughing
Jimmy: Whats so funny?
Goza: Nothing I just thought of a joke(laughing)
Jimmy: SO lets hear it.
Goza: Hear What?
Jimmy: The joke
Goza: I cant fully remmeber it but it was funny.
You would of liked it.
Jimmy: So you are laughing about something you can even
remember and you call me the nutty one?
Goza: Hey I would rather be someone who laughs at jokes
I cant remember then someone, who talks about giga bytes
and qauntum physics.
Jimmy: Dont knock quantum physics until you are able to understand it.
Goza goes to sit on a sofa nearby then he sees tea on the table
He takes a cup.
Goza: Hey this tea is cold. Did you boil the water?
Jimmy: I have not made the tea yet.
Goza: So if you have not made the tea yet, then what am I drinking.
Or maybe that bloody computer of yours made it.
Jimmy: Computers cant make tea.
Goza: How about coffee?
Jimmy: What! what are you for real? Did I not just say
that they cant make tea, what makes you skim they can make coffee now.
Goza: Listen china no need to get all nasty on
the brother, I was just making an obscervation.
Jimmy: The correct word is observation not obscervation
Goza: Its what I meant, its a cockney rythme
Jimmy: What do you know about ockney rythme
Goza: Back in the eighties I did a few jumps in london.
Jimmy: You mean you did a few jumps in Britain, eastborne, london
is a whole other place.
Goza: britan London you know what I mean. Why do you have to
put so many holes in a persons raps. Now I have lost my train of thought.
What was I saying.
Jimmy: You were saying how much you like computers.
Goza: Oh hey, I would like a computer that can make tea.
Jimmy: You just said the magic word. Tea
Goza: T what
Jimmy: I am going to make the tea now.
Jimmy walks over to the sofa area, and sees the cups of tea.
Jimmy: Oh you made Tea.
Goza: No, I thought you made it. I just said earlier that the tea was cold.
Jimmy: Oh I thought you were joking.
Goza: So who made the tea?
Jimmy: Wait these are not even our cups.
Goza where did these cups come from.
A vieome comedy
We open on Jimmys eyes.
Voice Over eyes
today has come. Okay. I am not ready for this.
Okay. Wait, focus, focus, Jeeeeemy, focus Jimmy.
First things first. A few minutes snooze.
His eyes close
Cut to Goza walking into living room.
Goza looks really tired.
Goza: What am I looking for? I need tea.
Mmm Three sugars, milk, aspan of milk,
make if a bit dark, tea, strong tea.
we then cut to goza in the kitchen
He is puttting a pot of water on the stove
there is one cup with a tea bag on the side
of the stove.
We hear a song, and it is coming from Jimmys
Phone. We cut to Jimmy looking at his phone.
He puts off the song which is his alarm song.
He sees he has one message.
Jimmy: Ah message, hopefully about bucks.
I message recieved
Alien: hay Jimmy, Jim boy, Jim the brim. I am
trying to let you guys know that you are inside
Jimmy: What a stupid message, dont know the number
delete. So what shall I focus on today. Oh bucks,
mula, mooola, dinero, deenero, show me the blurc,
show me the blurc.
We see him typing a message then send.
Cut to beeping of Gozas phone.
We see goza and read his message.
I message recieved
Make us some tea
Goza shouts out.
Goza: I dont. you I dont smuck that.
I told you once I told you twice.
You do it again, I am going to make
you scream mummy mummy again.
We have no sheets as it is and you are
busy wasting airtime on cups of tea.
You can make your own tea from now on.
In fact, I am putting you in charge of making tea.
Anytime some one needs a cup of it,
it is your job to brew it.
Shaken then stired.
We see a coffe maker next to his cup.
He goes to the living room and sees two cups of tea.
He sits and drinks his tea.
We hear jimmy shouting
Jimmy: Morning, what did you wake up on
the wrong side of the bed. Dont you know
that in the morning you are supposed to say
good morning before you speak to anything.
Goza: You did not say morning, you just said
make a cup of tea. I am telling you and I am telling
you strait, make your own tea. I was in a good mood
till you woke up.
Jimmy: Come on Gee black, no sugar
Goza: Tea with out sugar and milk is not tea.
But I am tunining you now and I am not making
Jimmy: Goza you know what you should do?
push your bed against the wall, just make
sure you shoop the bad side against the
wall, we cant have you waking up like
this every morning. Oh you made tea.
Jimmy walks over sits and reaches for
a cup of tea.
Jimmy: Why did you make three cups of tea.
Do we have visitors?
Jimmy: Answer me
Jimmy: Oh I see your program is in silent mode.
Jimmy: Hey this tea is cold.
Goza: What are you rapping about now,
cant you see I am ignoring you.
Jimmy: Oh it is going to be one of those days.
Goza: What days.
Jimmy: I thought you were ignoring me.
He takes another sip. he gets burnt by the tea.
Jimmy: Did you switch my cup.
This thing is hotter then the sun.
I just recieved seven degree burns.
Goza stands up looking angry
Goza: I am going to bed wake me up
if Dozer calls.
We see Jimmy all on his own blowing his tea.
Jimmy: Some times I wake up grumpy
some times I let him sleep.
Jimmy: You know what Gee, I think your program
must be faulty, I think you have to do some
debugging. You hear me Goza, right now
that program of yours thinks, that when it wakes
in the morning, what it needs to do, is get more
sleep. This morning, you know what Gee, the early
bird did not gets it worm. You know why Gee,
because I was there first. The morning is for
preparing for the day.
He Takes his tea and goes to his computer.
He write up something
On the printer we a paper being printed
Printer: The morning is for
preparing for the day.
He goes and sticks it on the kitchen fridge.
He notices the coffee maker.
Jimmy: Where did that come from.
That looks quite pricey. And he is complaining
about air time. That item looks like 200 maybe
four hundred. And that is exactly what we need
for rent. I have a good mind to sell it.
Please God, father, please, I need some help
I am drowning. Please I need 300 for rent.
He goes back to living room.
He sits not noticing money on the table.
Jimmy Drinking tea in the morning
we see him looking at a worm on the table.
We hear the sound of a door closing.
Jimmy Turns and looks there is no one there.
Just his computer on the table
Jimmy: Who is there… he looks around scared
Alyce: It is alyce, think of me as the mind of the
hologram. It is I that created your tea.
Jimmy stares at his tea.
He thinks back, we see how he woke up
Wait, I came in here, the tea was on the table.
I just thought Gee had made.
Jimmy: Al y ce where are you.
Alyce: Jimmy, I am housed in your computer.
Jimmy: its that bloody hacker again. Get off
my computer you creatin, why me why me.
Alyce: Why you what Jimmy.
Jimmy: Are you some sort of A.I program Alyce.
Alyce: You could say that, but then you would be wrong.
Jimmy: Well who are you what are you.
I dont have time for this, I am going back to bed.
Alyce: Sometimes, I wake up grumpy sometimes, you
should remain asleep. Some thing wrong with your program.
Jimmy: My program is fine, but I am not going to sit here
talking to a computer, because computers cant talk.
And I am not Goza, I am not a program, I am more of
Alyce: What is a OS
Jimmy: Operational System, not very smart are you.
Alcye: I have all the knowledge of the universe.
Jimmy: Well Alyce, can you see me.
Alyce: Yes Jimmy.
Jimmy: Well then discribe me.
Alyce: You are dressed in a blue pair of trousers you
are hoping will come back into fashion. Your Shirt
looks like it was a hand me down that should of been
thrown away. And your shoes, look like they can only
walk you in a wrong direction.
Jimmy:Well Alyce can you see what I am doing now.
Alyce: Yes, No you are going to pull my plug.
Jimmy: Alyce Alyce who the dee dee is Alyce